Light at the end of the Tunnel

2nd October, 2016

My blog posts these days are few and far between. This is because i have less of an urge to publicize our cancer journey with Cody as well as less of an urge to talk about it all because we are living it every, single, day. However, it has been quite some time so its time for an update.

2016 has truly been the worst year of our lives as a married couple for Ben and I, or just the worst year of our lives full stop. The ONLY way i can describe what its like for your son to have cancer is that its like being on a really scary roller coaster that is constantly full of ups and downs and yet you can’t get off it. The last 6 months has just been up and down. Initially it was just a downer for the first bit. But when Cody gets a week’s break from chemotherapy we get on a high.

In our little family of me, Ben, Jack and Cody we all react off each other. If I’m in a bad mood, then it brings the mood down for all of us. If Ben has a bad day at work, we feel for him. If Jack has a bad day at school, we feel for him. And If Cody isn’t feeling well, we all feel his pain too. When i see what Cody goes through, when i watch nurses pierce his gentle baby skin to access his port, when i see him in tears because his body has a fever, when i have to hold his wriggling body down for every blood test, it causes my heart to physically ache for him. But. When he is feeling good and well, its like the house is just full of happiness again. We all feel happy. When Cody laughs at Jack making fart noises or when Cody shakes his little booty to that stupid Pen Pineapple song, my heart heals itself again.

The days when Cody is good gives me a glimmer of hope that he’s still there, our little Cody bear is still there. The Cody that goes to hospital and screams and cries all day is not the real Cody. So it is nice to know that even know he has been pumped with toxic drugs and his body has been fighting against itself, that the real Cody is still there.

Starting this Thursday, Cody will be starting a 5 day week of chemotherapy. Just like usual, same old, same old. The only difference is, this 5 day week of chemo will be the LAST 5 day chemo week! He then has a 2 week break (or thereabouts, depending on how his body handles the 5 day week) then he has a 3 day week of chemo. Then a rest. And then…that is the end of Cody’s treatment plan!

Cody will then have lots of tests done, CT scan, MRI, Ultrasound, etc to make sure that the cancer is gone. IF he gets the all clear, we then just go back for monthly reviews, but no more chemo. Apparently, his hair will grow back in about 6 weeks. His body might go a bit ‘funny’ such as eczema or hay fever because his immune system will start to work again. His immune system has been completely suppressed by the chemotherapy for the last 6 months, which is why he picks up pretty much every germ in the air. So it will finally start working and his body will return to working like a normal human again. His bone marrow will return to producing blood in a normal manner once again. But most importantly we’ll have the real Cody back to us every day.

I am so excited for his end of treatment, but very nervous. I don’t want to build myself up too much and keep thinking that its the end of our ride. What the hell would we do if they did all the scans and told me the cancer was still there? Or what if he had another tumor?
The one fact I am clinging to is about 2 months ago, the Doctor did a CT scan of Cody after the tumor was removed and we got the all clear then. The reason we still keep doing chemotherapy is because there is the possibility of microscopic cancer cells being left behind.

So, say everything goes to plan and Cody gets off the roller coaster, what are we going to do? First things first (cue Madonna) “HOLIDAY! CELEBRATE!”
Yep, definitely going on a holiday at the end of all this rubbish and i darn well say we deserve it. We have hopes to go to the Gold Coast at some point. Heck, I’d love to just move there, Ben could quit his job and we’ll live on a house on the beach and drink Cosmo’s all day in the sun, and my body will suddenly transform into that of Scarlett Johannsen and we’ll find a briefcase full of money…er, hang on I went too far didn’t i? Oh well, a girl can dream…

I am, however, looking forward to having a lot more free time on my hands.. Also, looking forward to not spending our weekends in a hospital room! We’ll have more time for our families and our friends and for each other. Me & Ben just want to be a normal family again and see our baby healthy again.

Thank you for your kind words, well wishes and messages.

– Elise x